You Can Always Tell a Compulsive Eater...

I read something yesterday that said you can always tell a weight loss blogger is a compulsive eater when she (or he, I guess, but let's be real - most weight loss bloggers are women) posts for a few days or even weeks, talking about how well their plan is going, and then disappears for a month, only to reappear for a couple more weeks, full of confessions about diet wrongdoing and ice cream snorfed. It made me wonder. Do I fall into that category? I hardly qualify as a blogger yet, having logged in very few entries so far. I do tend to post and then not post, as described. But most of the time I didn't post in the most recent non-posting episode I was actually eating quite well, and other things just made it hard for me to blog (job got busy, people in town, studying, etc).

That said, I think I probably am a compulsive eater...certainly an emotional one. And I have an unhealthy relationship with food. Take today, for example. I knew I had to get back on track from the weekend after suffering a migraine post-bad-food extravaganza; it was patently clear that my head problem, at least that day, was the result of poor eating. So I did well yesterday but then today I stumbled. Or fell flat on my face. After getting up really early to go to a job interview, I had a healthy (non-headache-inducing) bowl of oatmeal and strawberries. But then the interview didn't go too well (they're not supposed to have you out in less than 45 minutes, I don't think), and all I could think after was "man, food would make me feel better. I deserve to eat something delicious because I suck. And hell, the interview probably went badly because, let's be honest, who would want a fat person representing your company anyway? So I might as well eat and fulfill all their assumptions."

Hellloooo emotional eating. So I had a chocolate donut and a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich. And now I have a bit of a headache. Figures.

So now I'm blogging about eating badly. I'm not sure if that makes me a compulsive-eater-weight-loss-blogger or not. It definitely makes me a guilt-ridden one. And one prone to despair about my future. Ugh.

That said, there is a bright note here. I have a couple of new friends for whom I am extremely grateful. One texted me to wish me good luck before the interview, and another inquired about it immediately after. And they're taking me out to drinks tonight (whether it goes well or not). They're so sweet and good for me. I can't help but wonder why they like hanging out with me. I'm kind of a downer right now. How's that for self-confidence, huh? But I guess that's a topic (a long one) for another day.